5 trail run/walk

With my friends Joe and Wayne from the rubber mills over to hixon, ugly as far as a run goes from my previous standards, but I love it, sucky-ness and all! :) Strength will come out of this. Never wanted to be fast, just strong and efficient.

THank goodness Memorial day weekend is over

I went from a Sunday Morning weigh in of 265 to a Tuesday weigh in of 270. Wow so much more to lose. Oh well it does not scare me but I need to be lazer focused right now. I am hoping to run 3-4 times a week, lift 2-3 times a week, Core 3 times a week all very light just getting my body back into accepting muscular change.

Happy running and life to you

weekly weigh in

start weight: 270 on May 1 2012
Goal Weight: 190 by mid year 2013
last week: 258
Current weight: 265
Weeks change: +7
Total loss: -5lbs

Yeah that is productive... :) not getting myself down over this.

3 days straight of running

all very short but all accomplished with a smile and thoughts of I have built this before I can do again. my total is only about 7 + or - miles tomorrow I will walk instead, I can feel it in my shins and ankles not to mention hip and knee that always bothers me. but I am happy and determined. Now if I can just get some weight off.

Short Trail run/walk

Very short only about 2.5 miles but still it felt good to say I was out there.

+ 7 lbs

why is it thta i decide to lose  weight and i gain instead, seven pounds up. ok let's try this again. i know the problem is me not me. make sense? i need to get pass the if i am not exercising why bother, i am worth it and i am smart enough to know that diet is more important than exercise when it comes to losing weight. oh well beat myself up a bit and move forward.

Time to lose again

Well my highest was at 270 again that I know of, plus or minus 1.

I am at 258 this morning and really am focused on 210ish but will be happy when I see 240's first. Let see if I can put together a long enough string of mentally good days to make this happen.

Ultra Running

Even though I am not "running" my mind is so focused on Ultra Running right now. It is fun seeing the races starting up again in this area. Today is the Superior Spring trail race 25K and 50K, man it would be fun to be up there running the trail right now. In a couple of weeks is FANS 24 Hour which is so Anti -Richard style of running but yet I feel some sense of need to do again just to have a better race. Have a good friend running it, I hope to have enough health to go set up tent next to his and cheer on and help crew in anyway.

Runners everywhere I look

Everywhere I looked today inside and out I saw people who were running or people I knew that were runners. soooooooooooooooo.............. I put on my Vibram KSO's and went for a one mile run walk with cooper, I ran probably 3/4 of it so I am happy. Hopefully there is not to much of a penance to pay for it. Felt good, I am soaking in sweat from one mile.

I have no idea, but I am paying attention

My body seems to be really angry right now. Not sure if it is the Chemo or if it is more Lupus activity, I am praying for the earlier of those two scenarios. Some how I have managed to loose 10-12 lbs in a few weeks with out trying and when I say not trying I mean I have been eating just as much if not more than my normal. Also last night I had really bad chest pains and shortness of breath when doing small bits of exercise (walking up a half flight of steps etc...  plus a bunch more that i wont even talk about on here that lead to other auto-immune disorders. I have heard that no one just has Lupus, once you have that your bodies immune system starts with other. I know that I have two Auto-immune disorders right now and who knows what on the horizon.   Now with that being said, I am pretty stubborn and strong willed and am not giving in to this crap just yet even though last night i just was ready to fold again. I have to beat this, for my own mind i have to I can not live like this the rest of my life. I am hoping upon hope that these "new" problems are just my body fighting back from Chemo and once this is all out of my system these will disappear. Anyways every morning I am going to check my resting heart rate and weight and try to figure out how does it equate to yesterday. today I was 95 bpm at rest Ughh, I remember having a 54 bpm about a year ago.. I have also seen this go away with me and then come back in the past 4 months where I had a high 100-115 bpm at rest and then weeks later at 68.. now i am back up.. who knows.. hoping I find a trend and can make the changes on my own.

Breakfast today will be oatmeal and a chamomile tea with honey for my throat, I read some pretty cool stuff on that tea yesterday.


well that's that.

Life lately

I really have not enjoyed life lately, I have been very close several times to saying screw you lupus you can have me. If the disease does not kick your ass then the meds and treatments do. I did pill form Chemo almost all last year and this year I started Cytoxan infusions. Well my opinion of those is terrible, the phrase what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger comes in to my mind as I think of those. I have one left and not looking forward to it. I am also not sure that I am willing to do the last one either. Honesty coming in to play, I know it helps my neurological problems as when i missed my last treatment i had to wait 2 weeks and problems were coming back. That is the sad part, so I have put myself through hell, lost my job because of Lupus and the problem is going to come back that quickly.  Any way nothing new to post on that BS.

I am looking to go back to real clean eating and get some of my feelgood back and am considering alternative methods of treatment as well. Not sure what that all means yet but I am examining life and I really do not want to go through more and more and more rounds of chemo.

Any who that is all.