Finding a new motivation?

I have been very, very, very depressed as of late (the last few months) I get so frustrated with illness and pain and the constants of it. Being mentally connected to running seems to make it only worse, as I see it as something I can't do and long for.

Maybe a new light has shined...?

I have been diving into swimmers accomplishments on the team that I help coach and possibly have found a spark or a reason to try swimming again. Of the swimmers I coach, one has qualified for the National Meet, Two others are tearing up the State meet this weekend in Madison, one of those two are going to be swimming in the  State Games of America this summer since she qualified by winning three gold medals in the Badger games. So these kids might have possibly given me a reason to look at swimming. I believe they could benefit a bit more if I could get in the pool with them and be a training partner this summer. You can only coach so much from the pool deck with age group swimmers.

So I have dusted off the goggles and will be heading back to the pool, probably only one day a week for a bit.

I also think that some of my lupus pain has subsided, but I have been left with a lot of pain still in my IT Band, groin area, etc on my right side. I am going to take a new approach to this and say that I have a Sacroiliac Joint problem which could be causing, Sciatic nerve pain and Piriformis. I am really, really tight in those areas and pretty pressure sensitive in the Piriformis muscle. So, this week I am also going to try and get in to a chiropractor as well as a Myofasial release massage and see what I can do to change that pattern. Who knows... 

Either way, hopefully for awhile swimming allows me to find a new direction to caring for myself and how I treat myself through diet. I am back up to 232 and sick about it, I know I could be up a lot more and not exactly sure why I am not. Bring on a lean and strong 190, I will settle for 205-210 right now, actually I will be excited for 215-220 at first.

So that is my recent life in a nutshell.

weight loss 10-21-12

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 (9-6-13)

LW: 216

CW: 215
WL: - 1bs..

No idea how this happened I ate everything that was not attached and splurged in cocktails for 4 nights in a row..

Weigh in 10-13-2012

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 (9-6-13)

LW: 218

CW: 216
WL: - 2lbs..


Not sure if I am really down this 2 lbs or if it is a dehydration thing as I was not down all week even though i had a good week of workouts and diet. But last night was my Methotrexate night and really made me sick so I am thinking that by Monday when I am recovered I will most likely be back up probably at least a lb of it.

Throw in the towel

Boy last night I just wanted to throw in the towel and say Fuck it, it is not worth it , I can't fight against a body that is not willing any longer.

I was so sore and beaten down last night it hurt to blink and do any other, even sitting still my joints were on fire. I was so close to mixing a cocktail and prdering a pizza and saying, I can find a way to be happy with this... I do not need to run races, I can just crew people and be part of them that way.

Then I told myself to shut the fuck up and stop whining like a little bitch. drank water for the evening and said just get through the night.

Well here I am today with a some what renewed spirit and ready to tackle life again. I am not grateful for this disease it does not make me a stronger person. But I have it so guess what I have to deal with it and move on.

interesting article on ITBS and the strengthening or mechanics

Of eliminating or minimizing it.

http://tptherapy.com/unlock-your-body-anatomy-quads.php

Weigh in 10-6-2012

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 (9-6-13)

LW: 220

CW: 218
WL: - 2lbs... 

So there you have it I lost the 2 lbs that I had gained back. from oktoberfesting, still a loss and on track of -2 lbs a week with little to no exercise at all. I did manage one nice bluff hike on Sunday with our younger dog Cooper approx three miles. it was a great hike.

Then Wednesday I managed a really nice 4 mile run and bluff climb  with my friend Deb who also has Lupus. three days of weights and core work. I need to maybe add a 4th day of core and hip flexors, having a lot of pain in those areas, that I think are a muscle/skeletal problem. also coming from a vertebrae problem (slightly bulged) so continuing with core will only have rewards in the long run and I need to remember that.

 Really focusing on clean whole food from as local farm as possible.

Weigh in 9-29-2012

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 9-6-13 

LW: 218

CW: 220
WL: + 2lbs... I am fine with that on several levels, one I am flaring so I am full of inflammation, 2. I did not understand the loss of 9 lbs the week before, 3. I am on prednisone which can do funky things to you.. I still plan on being down next week though.

I did manage 4 days of core and three days of weights and I did manage one 5-6 mile run/hike so it was a good week. I hope to get another run hike tomorrow and another on Wednesday... But being back on Chemotherapy meds as of last week and already given the orders to increase them this week I know there will be a few days of not feeling well enough to run/hike.  Food and drink was perfect this week again. Today though will be my exception I have the Oktoberfest parade and I am sticking with tradition if for no other reason than my wife enjoys the parade more if I celebrate with her. so some Bloody marys' stout, and junk food will be eaten.


I switched my goal from 195 to 185.