The Mental game of Lupus and other chronic diseases

You can make all the plans you want for improving yourself physically with this disease. However first you better check your mental weakness points. I have been having plans for the last two weeks or so now to start cutting 60-70lbs off of me. Everytime I get that little burst or energy to do it, Lupus kicks in and kicks my ass mentally. I need to readjust my goals and be happy with them for now. I guess my first goal will be to not gain anymore weight over the next week with Superbowl and my love of eating constantly through that game. I am not going to penalize myself, but it would be nice to not gain anymore than I am at.

Give me the Strength

I need to find a way to mentally battle pain. I am loosing on all battlefields. It is so hard to stay strong when I have experienced it for over two years no with little to no relief at all times.

I have to get this weight off. I have to, I have to, I have to.

Pain is such a strong thing.

Since about Tuesday after my morning walk/run with Cooper on the trails I have been really sore in my hip and knee. What's new right? But even though I was told it was ok to push through it just nags at my soul. How long can one endure pain and keep a positive attitude? Well Pain has won again and I have been eating poorly.

I Met with my Rheumatologist and let him know that I was told the pain I am feeling is most likely not associated with the labral tears in my hip in which he agreed that they would not hurt as bad as i hurt. I let him know that the only thing that even seems to cut it is large doses of Ibuprofen which I know is an absolute NO for me with Lupus and the danger it plays into my Kidney. I mention stuff like this to him to hopefully get something other than Vicodin; which to me works about as well as tic tacs, I sereiously need to take 3 of them to evn get small relief. Yesterday he gave me a small tube to sample of Voltaren Gel. It is some sort of medicated gel you run on your joints ever 6 hours for relief. If it works I will get a prescription for it. I HOPE IT WORKS. I can not handle living in pain and I dont do well without getting outside for exercise. I can not handle indoor stuff, ugh bullet in my mouth.

So Voltaran gel, let's get this pain gone!!

So not in shape...

....but I knew that.

Woke up early to go for a walk/run with cooper in the fresh powder at Goose island north trail loop. 24 degrees very little wind. I struggled once again to even walk in the snow with micro spikes, but that is what I am improving so all good.

Thanks to my wife, I actually got out and did it. I was pretty darn comfortable in the bed, but she reminded me that i wanted to run and I think she knows that I need it.

Hip pain is still there, so this shot did noting in my opinion.

Cooper did pretty well for our first canicross style run. He is young so his mistakes are nothing but him being 5 months old and I think if I could have ran the whole time he would have stayed much more tight on the harness.

Monday Morning Weigh in "The scary truth"

Well, if I am going to make this easier on myself I need to get the extra poundage off of me. I have a lot of excess to get off before I am going to be satisfied but I will be ever so patient with it. I will be extremely happy with 2 lbs a week. I know I can do it if I stick to my guns.

Starting Weight: 261 
Goal Weight:195

Snow Dog and the New beginning

Cooper training for Skijoring next year

Well, I am back. Not even close to a hundred percent but my commitment to getting stronger has been rejuvenated. I have to give some huge credit to my Dr.'s although I am not in full remission, i feel strong enough to start the process.

First time hooked up to harness and all ready to go

This is my new training buddy. His Name is Cooper. in this picture he is 5 months old today about 70 lbs and absolutely is lover of snow and running. I have big hopes for him and I together. He just has a never ending bit of energy so I need to keep him moving.

Skijor harness will be bikejoring and canicross with this as well

My new beginnings are going to approach being an athlete rather than a runner. I want to be a runner more than anything, but I am not sure that pushing myself up into hi miles will be something that my body is going to accept willingly, so taking baby steps and becoming and all around more balanced, including mountain biking and swimming in the summer plus add in Yoga, Pilates weights etc.. I have made a commitment to avoid roads this year unless they are the only way to connect trail systems. I am also thinking that winter will be my primary time of year.

I had a awakening today that gives me hope. I have wanted Arrowhead for a long time now and after being diagnosed I have almost seen this be a nonexistent possibility. Now I have a reawakening. I still have the opportunity to try Arrowhead with Ski's or Bike. and who knows maybe running someday. I will take what ever path my body allows.

A little bit of catch up..

Well January is fast coming to a close and my life has not changed much as far as health but my attitude about my health is changing.

I am going through Chemo Therapy infusions at the hospital and they seem to be doing what they were meant to do. I dont feel like I have to sleep sitting at my desk near as often, my headaches are starting to tape, but in fairness i am trying out my 4th Migraine medicine and I believe it to be a winner.

Met with a second orthopedic to discuss the tears in my hip and their connection to my hip pain. He reviewed the results from my MRI and then put me through a quick series of tests. He told me that my Back has a fracture in the lumber vertebrae which I already knew, but that I also had a partially slipped disk and arthritis. He believes my back is the culprit. He was able to get me in same day for a Steroid shot into my Hip Joint, told me it would take a few days to know if it feeling better. The Dr. that did the shot let me know it was most likely being done as a diagnostic measure. The great news is the Orthopedic told me to get out and start moving as well as get my weight back off, i assured him that would not be a problem if I can exercise.

Stopped on the way home and ordered a pair of waxless back country XC Ski's and a harness arrived yesterday as well for Cooper, so Him and I can both get out and do some exercise together, I will have him pull my pulk this winter, get a mountain bike this summer teach him Bikejoring and transiton him back into Skijoring next Winter.

SO.. that brings up my next Topic that from here on out I will keep focused on for 20 months. The return of me to Sawtooth 100Mile and doing with Lupus. I normally would have just put it down for this year however I have a feeling that with my Lupus flaring off and on i should take this the slow way and learn how to do this. The biggest change I think for me is I believe that I am going to do this with a smaller mileage total, so my training will pretty much be based on hills. so i will count long hikes into it plus add in swimming, biking and weights. The other obstacles will be my hip and back. Have I mentioned I HATE CORE WORK!! but looks like it will be a necessary evil. Now the advantage i have is, I believe I am one of the mentally toughest people I have met so I know that part of the training does not need work anymore. (well not true Core work will take a strong will to push myself).

My plans are also to set up a Fund-raising page for the Lupus foundation and use my running to raise awareness and money.

So. that is what is new with me.