National Healthy Eating Month

I know I have mentioned the meditation and mindfulness "tasks" for this week. March is also Healthy eating month. I need to clean mine up a lot, so I will take the lead from media bursts about healthful eating and run with it. I really am not a fan of diets rather healthy lifestyles, the one I subscribe to believeing is right and sustainable would be from the writings of Michael Pollan and specifically his Food Rules http://globaleuropeans.com/foodandthought/?p=215 .

Lets Get some starting stats to follow.

SW: 249
SBP: 131/87
SP:  77

Pain levels were sky high last night and now that I have made it back to 0 with Prednisone all my little joints are starting to show some signs of pain, plus multiple little mouth ulcers, pretty mild ones though, they show up like little nicks or cuts and dissapear with in 2 days. How much of this can I shut off with mind and food as medicine.. I know that it seems to be my main desire, however I just constantly fall into poor eating and having cocktails.

MBSR Week 1

Week 1 is one meditation practice from being done.


I find that I do well with it in the early (first 35 minutes), and then in the last 10 minutes I get really anxious, proof positive that I need this. The anxiety I believe comes from wanting to be done. What I actually need is to be Present and ok with not doing. I did have some success in mindfulness in another area; Mindful Eating. I practiced mindful eating atleast 3 times this week with almonds, taking 10 minutes to eat 10 almonds and looking at each almond to realize it is different than the last, taste it and just realize this one tastes like this one and enjoy that almond. My past and really my current is to jam as much food in my mouth as possible with out ever breaking stride until food is out of sight.

Week 2: will be another 7 days of 45 minutes of Body Scan Meditation. I am also going to practice mindful eating everyday with one snack. I am also to add one 5-10 minute seated meditation. I would like to find a easy 5 minute Loving Kindness meditation to add in at some point of the day, maybe right when I wake up. This is the one that I plan on using. http://www.bodhicitta.net/Loving%20Kindness%20Meditation.htm

The total time from the week 2 activities should have me practicing being mindful and in the moment for 60-75 minutes a day.

MBSR

Mind Body Stress Reduction. By Jon Kabat Zinn

My next 8 weeks are dedicated to me and me finding a way to live in the current moment. This means i need to understand that anything that is happening is only happening in this current moment and it is nothing that i should judge or make a decision for my future with. I seem to have a real issue with how i deal with flares, my go to's are food and booze. I really do not have an issue with either one of them, other than i use them for mood control. Time to take this over. Feel free to follow along if you would like. Not sure where this direction will head.

Fall off horse get back on

Well that at least seems to be my cycle. I am trying again to fight the mental yuck that comes with a flare and everything that results from it. But I am climbing back on the horse again and making a go of it.

Long time since last post

I am not sure where I am going to get my motivation, but I am still riding the highs and lows of how my body changes with each Lupus Flare. I won't go into to much detail as it does not matter but when I flare I tend to treat my body very poorly out of frustration/ depression what ever. I need to find the strength or motivation to want the best for myself regardless.

Good news the last few weeks I have been able to sneak in a few 6 mile trail runs with friends, I find walking causes me more issues than running so I am avoiding walking (except when needing the walk break while running).

I am climbing back on the saddle of self worth-respect for myself and see what becomes of it.

I am erasing running goals of 100 mile races, 50 mile races and even any race. I would be very happy to be able to run with friends once or twice a week and not fall so far behind. I remember days of being in the front of that pack, now at 15 minutes I lose sight... that's alright I was there years ago when I started running the first time, so I know that it is possible, the rest is up to me and lupus..

Day 35 and 22 (eating well and running)

I wish I knew the exact dates I had gone off all of my Lupus Medicine but I dont.. roughly I am going to say 3 months no Methotrexate and 2 months no plaquenil.. this is plus or minus 2 weeks.

Starting weight was 240lbs again, so sad and so unhealthy to constantly be gaining and losing weight.
current weight is 219 so down 21 lbs.

I also went Vegan 5 days this week as an experiment, i liked it actually.

missed qi gong this past week due to to much time out of the office, this week I have accupuncture and qi-gong both planned.. ohhh happy days! :)

Finished reading Eat and Run by Scott Jurek, read all of Born to Run and started Chi Running last night.

It really strengthened my wants for this and gave me insight on food and running. I don't think the average runner could just go and start eating like Scott Jurek or the tarahumara indians, but I think with enough patience and time one could get there in there food for running. I have a sudden urge to make Pinole and istaska (sp?) Chia Fresca.

Happy to report the running streak is at 22 days today, ran a mile last night in my Vibrams as well, have a little bit of a sliver in my heel feeling, I am sure it is from the one mile run in barefoot shoes... but not worried about it.

Here is to another good week.

Day 28 and 15

Day 28 of officially throwing Western Medicine away for anything other than traumatic injuries etc. day 15 for running. Lupus is about in the same state that it was a month ago, I have the occasional neuro symtom (rining in ears, tremors etc but none of that bothers me anymore, no real issues, heart has really stabilized and actually has come down in beat count for resting, my BP is out standing, 109 over 69 my energy level rocks in the morning, I sleep until 5:30 ish and I don't feel like a zombie. Starting to see some clearing in my rashes on my face. My tendonitis and back pain feels 90 percent better most of the time, there are some moments occasionally that it is at a high level, but I have learned to manage it so far with breathing, and most importantly I look back on the past 24 hours and become truthful with myself and how I might have caused it by worrying to much. We have a lot of worries right now, financially I see us in ruin with in 6 months unless something happens for the plus or atleast nothing worse happens on the horizon. But maybe that will be a blessing that I have been looking for. Not sure how one can look at a financial ruin as a blessing (caused by Lupus bills and actions taken for them) but maybe it will knock us down so low that we just live in each moment and are thankful for them. It is the reason why I gave up on Medicine so it might already be showing it's bounty of gifts. Had money not been a issue I would be hooking up to Benelysta or Rituxan monthly right now and I fought that with No's based on I knew we could not afford them. Exhale and Inhale with a smile of renewed spirit and love.

Qi-gong, I did it this week. if you were a non believer and watching from the outside you would laugh and walk away while eating your GMO crap filled Mc Donalds callin me a quack. However as a patient and somebody who believes and really needs this outlet to work I can say that it did. I am ever so thankful for this community for having the Integrative Therapies by the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration and the fact they offer this on a fee based services for those in real need as well as for those that can afford, I am on the first half of this statement and they do not judge if I pay only 5 dollars or even if I can not pay any. I start Acupuncture on the 9th, I need to schedule some more in advance as well. I am also going to try cupping and Reki in the next two weeks.

Diet wise I have been spotless  (yesterday was a planned poor performer day, beer and food at a beer and wine festival with my family and I am ok with that) I will not allow a once a month activity to cause stress on my lifestyle choices, it is far better than living that life everyday.  I cut out two mornings of coffee and traded it for tea, and added some Ginger tea and a Licorice Root Tea most nights. I had multitudes of fresh veggies , fruit only small amounts of animal protein. I added flaxseed, hemp protein and some wheat germ to so many dishes. I ate salmon once again this week. THis week on the mornings where I switch out coffee for tea I will switch out for water instead and cut out that mornings caffeine all together. I also bought some tempah to switch out for animal protein in one meal, thinking of making a vegetarian chili or a vegetarian whole grain spaghetti dish with it, salmon probably twice and then animal protein.  I am also thinking about trying one month of being a vegetarian (not a vegan) yet atleast. I am reading a book called Eat & Run by one of the most famous ultra runners, Scott Jurek. He switched to Vegan actually and that is when he felt his body become alive and feel stronger, repair quicker. His experience is a being a Physical therapist in hospitals and seeing people get sicker as they came into the hospitals, he felt the diet the hospitals was offering was part of the reason. Couple things that struck me about this book, were listening to him watch his mother slowly get worse with her MS and him watching her take her mounds of pills. When He was young he was told he needed to be on meds for high blood pressure and he fought it as a kid, he did not want to take meds and get worse and needing more and more of them to take care of the side effects of the other meds.. (pretty observant for a kid) and he fought his parents and Dr's saying he cold fix his high blood pressure on his own... one dr finally gave him a chance and told him to meditate about a place where he was happy, he found that place and they tested him, He was able to bring his blood pressure down on his own.. never had to go on medicines and learned the power of self right there! The other was his Mention of coming across the Book Spontaneous Healing by Dr. Andrew Weil... being I just finished it and read all the cases of people beating even Yes ... Auto Immune diseases. I realized I am so on the right path.

That is a lot of ramble isn't it. lol

15 days of running now, with two runs that were a bit longer. the daily run is only a mile for now but I am happy with that. my "longer run" is 1.5- 2.0 miles in length.. once again. perfectly content with that.. not so long ago I would be trying to push out 6-8 miles already in a hurry to get back to shape.. but I am recognizing this is a journey and someday the path will get me there and when it does that will be great, but in the meantime I celebrate every step.

My weight this morning is 224 (yesterday it was 222) but yesterdays beer festival did that.. LOL. Still 224 is 16 lbs down from my 240 start mark on April 1st. My journey is going to take me to 190-195, when that happens, no worries not in a hurry, this is about being healthy not skinny, no big celebration in 195 if I am still battling Lupus..and the nasty side effects of western medicine.

In the Now Day 21 & 8

21 Days of changed lifestyle and 8 of running.

Had a decent day with my family, listening to all of them talk about what is new and exciting in their lives, I need to spend more time asking questions and listening rather than talking.

Somehow I did something to my back yesterday, I am looking primarily at stress, and what part of yesterdays gathering caused it. Their are several options, 1. stress of showing up later than I planned, all I can really do is not make plans on when I am planning on showing up. 2. stress of what time we were leaving, based on leaving early and how my parents perceived us leaving early instead of spending more time together as they would dream of. 3. the food choices that were there and how they conflict with my lifestyle changes, and worrying about how my parents would perceive me turning my head at their food choices and eating my own offerings instead.. 4. any number of reasons that I might not be aware of. Good news the whole day I was with loved ones, had plenty of oxygen, no shortage of food or water.. so if I reflect on the You are here "now" I had an amazing day and should only be able to count blessings and if somebody is disapointed I need to let them be I guess.

Morning run today in the snow. that was a really good NOW moment.

In the now

I am finding some balance right now, finding a way to run about a mile a day and  finding the motivation with in to keep my diet very well balanced with whole food instead of processed food.

I have been reading spontaneous healing from Dr Weil and Fixing your back by Dr Sarno. All integrative practices, high in doses placebo healing through meditation. So far all is good. I am just  going to remain present with this, no long term goals that I must obtain.

I am good now, and that is what matters.

Finding a new motivation?

I have been very, very, very depressed as of late (the last few months) I get so frustrated with illness and pain and the constants of it. Being mentally connected to running seems to make it only worse, as I see it as something I can't do and long for.

Maybe a new light has shined...?

I have been diving into swimmers accomplishments on the team that I help coach and possibly have found a spark or a reason to try swimming again. Of the swimmers I coach, one has qualified for the National Meet, Two others are tearing up the State meet this weekend in Madison, one of those two are going to be swimming in the  State Games of America this summer since she qualified by winning three gold medals in the Badger games. So these kids might have possibly given me a reason to look at swimming. I believe they could benefit a bit more if I could get in the pool with them and be a training partner this summer. You can only coach so much from the pool deck with age group swimmers.

So I have dusted off the goggles and will be heading back to the pool, probably only one day a week for a bit.

I also think that some of my lupus pain has subsided, but I have been left with a lot of pain still in my IT Band, groin area, etc on my right side. I am going to take a new approach to this and say that I have a Sacroiliac Joint problem which could be causing, Sciatic nerve pain and Piriformis. I am really, really tight in those areas and pretty pressure sensitive in the Piriformis muscle. So, this week I am also going to try and get in to a chiropractor as well as a Myofasial release massage and see what I can do to change that pattern. Who knows... 

Either way, hopefully for awhile swimming allows me to find a new direction to caring for myself and how I treat myself through diet. I am back up to 232 and sick about it, I know I could be up a lot more and not exactly sure why I am not. Bring on a lean and strong 190, I will settle for 205-210 right now, actually I will be excited for 215-220 at first.

So that is my recent life in a nutshell.

weight loss 10-21-12

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 (9-6-13)

LW: 216

CW: 215
WL: - 1bs..

No idea how this happened I ate everything that was not attached and splurged in cocktails for 4 nights in a row..

Weigh in 10-13-2012

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 (9-6-13)

LW: 218

CW: 216
WL: - 2lbs..


Not sure if I am really down this 2 lbs or if it is a dehydration thing as I was not down all week even though i had a good week of workouts and diet. But last night was my Methotrexate night and really made me sick so I am thinking that by Monday when I am recovered I will most likely be back up probably at least a lb of it.

Throw in the towel

Boy last night I just wanted to throw in the towel and say Fuck it, it is not worth it , I can't fight against a body that is not willing any longer.

I was so sore and beaten down last night it hurt to blink and do any other, even sitting still my joints were on fire. I was so close to mixing a cocktail and prdering a pizza and saying, I can find a way to be happy with this... I do not need to run races, I can just crew people and be part of them that way.

Then I told myself to shut the fuck up and stop whining like a little bitch. drank water for the evening and said just get through the night.

Well here I am today with a some what renewed spirit and ready to tackle life again. I am not grateful for this disease it does not make me a stronger person. But I have it so guess what I have to deal with it and move on.

interesting article on ITBS and the strengthening or mechanics

Of eliminating or minimizing it.

http://tptherapy.com/unlock-your-body-anatomy-quads.php

Weigh in 10-6-2012

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 (9-6-13)

LW: 220

CW: 218
WL: - 2lbs... 

So there you have it I lost the 2 lbs that I had gained back. from oktoberfesting, still a loss and on track of -2 lbs a week with little to no exercise at all. I did manage one nice bluff hike on Sunday with our younger dog Cooper approx three miles. it was a great hike.

Then Wednesday I managed a really nice 4 mile run and bluff climb  with my friend Deb who also has Lupus. three days of weights and core work. I need to maybe add a 4th day of core and hip flexors, having a lot of pain in those areas, that I think are a muscle/skeletal problem. also coming from a vertebrae problem (slightly bulged) so continuing with core will only have rewards in the long run and I need to remember that.

 Really focusing on clean whole food from as local farm as possible.

Weigh in 9-29-2012

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 185 9-6-13 

LW: 218

CW: 220
WL: + 2lbs... I am fine with that on several levels, one I am flaring so I am full of inflammation, 2. I did not understand the loss of 9 lbs the week before, 3. I am on prednisone which can do funky things to you.. I still plan on being down next week though.

I did manage 4 days of core and three days of weights and I did manage one 5-6 mile run/hike so it was a good week. I hope to get another run hike tomorrow and another on Wednesday... But being back on Chemotherapy meds as of last week and already given the orders to increase them this week I know there will be a few days of not feeling well enough to run/hike.  Food and drink was perfect this week again. Today though will be my exception I have the Oktoberfest parade and I am sticking with tradition if for no other reason than my wife enjoys the parade more if I celebrate with her. so some Bloody marys' stout, and junk food will be eaten.


I switched my goal from 195 to 185.

Weigh in 9:23:12

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 195 9-6-13 

LW: 227

CW: 218
WL: -9bs  ???? I have no idea how I lost nine lbs. but a miles stone was hit, 50lb mark. :)

TL: 53lbs, 23lbs to go. :) these will take a lot of work I bet.

New approach to training

I am done training, I am not sure but I think I get to mental and commit to things that my body was not able to handle and nor is able to handle anymore. I can say that in the past three weeks even while flaring I have "handled" three very nice 5-6 mile hikes, mostly hiking with just a smidge of running thrown in just for the soul.  So I think if I take the training out of what I enjoy maybe I might get to enjoy more of what I enjoy and who knows, I might even be able to enjoy some really long distances in the process.

weight loss thread and / Goose Bumps 6 hour Run

SW: 271 (6-3-12)

GW: 195 9-6-13 

LW: 234 (9-2-2012)

CW: 227
WL: -7bs


Weight loss is going well, I did have a bit of a stopage for what ever reason, most likely because my body was flaring awful, could not even pick up a plastic cup. Beack on prednisone and looking at either Chemo again or Benlysta infusions, or other.. If I had my way it would be other, then chemo then Benlysta, but I think my Dr. is thinking Benlysta first... I am going to have a talk with hi and share my feelings on why. and see what he says.


6 Hour Run. Less than a week now until the Goose Bumps 6 hour fun run here in La Crosse, It is a free event held on a 2.77 mile loop any and all donations after expenses will be given to the Local Lupus Alliance Inc. not for profit.. The aid station will have gummy bears, M&M's, Water, licorice, pretzels, Vi Endurance Energy Gels, there are two bathrooms almost right on the course. 80 percent easy rolling trail path 20 percent gravel road. If you would like to show up let me know. richardchrz@Centurytel,.net

Plan on bringing a beverage to drink at the end and hang around for some grilled burgers.

weight loss thread and / Goose Bumps 6 hour Run