Food Log 8-31-11

Breakfast: two Granola Bars (kind of signaled a weak start to my day)
Snack: Apple, String cheese
Lunch: Yogurt, Half of a turkey wrap,grapes, string cheese
Snack: Yogurt, string cheese
Dinner: two brats and buns

Get back up one more time than you fall down.

Weightloss August Ending:

I am very happy for the way the month ended. I could not have asked for a better loss 16 lbs is huge. however it is still embarrassing, if I lost 16 lbs with out exercise you know I had some poison and water weight in me that was unnecessary. But i am over that, I can not dwell on it I must look forward to the success, a motto that my good friend Mike Henze and I share Get back up one more time than you fall down and since we are both big horses we need do are best to stay standing! Forward and Downward on the scale that is.

the battle of the Wolves

An old Native American told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil... It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, & ego. The other is Good... It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & truth." The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

Food Log 8-30-11

Breakfast: Peanut butter bagel
Snack: Almonds
Lunch: two pieces of whole grain toast with Honey, yogurt, grapes
Snack: Yogurt, String Cheese
Dinner: 6 inch Subway italian sub loaded with veggies about 15 chips natural no sugar less than 5 ingredients

A little bit of Sun yesterday..

and all hell broke loose again, fevers, joint pain, headaches (well those have never ceased), seems I have picked up a cold as well somewhere. Trying to keep m spirits high and so far so good. I even passed up all the chocolate and junk food at the store. but could not medicate enough last night to get comfortable... I tried EVERYTHING. A new day a new dawn.

Small Victory

Had another small victory today.

I fit back into a pair of pants that I have not worn since April'ish-may'ish? and they are fairly comfortable!

8-29-11

Breakfast: peanut butter substance like (Jiff) Bagel
Snack: Yogurt, almonds
Lunch: Chicken Wraps, string Cheese
Snack: Yogurt, Almonds
Dinner:2 tacos

Methotrexate and taperville

For now I am done with Methotrexate and I hope to never be on it again, really I am done with medications. I want to be proven why I need them. I am sick of being on drugs and still not feeling well. Of course I want to love and take care of my organs, so unless I really am in such misery joint wise or there is a real chance of organ failure I will most likely question the use of the drug vs the side effects.

Another good note, I have Tapered down to 10 mg on Pred today and will be down to 5 by this weekend. :)
10 today, tomorrow, 7 1/2 on wed, Thursday, and then Friday I will hit 5!!! Alleluia from there it will be on how the medicine and my Adrenal gland allow me to reduce.

Food Log 8-28-11

Breakfast: Breakfast burrito
No Snack
Lunch: Another Burrito, Yogurt, string cheese, banana,
Snack: Yogurt, Banana
Dinner: Stroganaff again

Weekly weigh in 8-28-11

Starting weight: 244lbs (8-1-11) BMI 31.3 Obese
Current Weight: 228
Weight Loss -4lbs
Total Loss: -16 lbs
Goal Weight: not entirely sure but sub 215 for sure

Did really well every day I challenged a group of close friends to it and that helped me out

Food Log 8-27-11

Breakfast: 2 pieces of string cheese, half a bagel
Snack: Almonds, Banana
Lunch: Turkey cheese wrap, Yogurt, cheese stick,
Snack: Yogurt, banana
Dinner:

Yesterdays Proactive approach to Tendinitis and Bursitis

I have really been having some really bad Tendinitis of My I.T. band on my right leg and a real sharp acute pain high on my right hip which I believe to be Bursitis. How I am deciding this to be true you might ask? while rotating my leg on an axial plane I can feel and hear an audible snap of what I believe is the I.T. band snapping as it rolls over. So my plan is to stretch, ice, heat, and then strengthen the supporting muscle group so I can get this nipped in the bud. I also have some strengthening sheets from a P.T. that I respect for the these muscle groups.



I also need to add in light core (nothing to strenuous) just something is something and maybe some light arm and chest weights to start building up some upper body strength. It is just baby steps for mental well being if nothing else.

277 Miles for Lupus

If I do this... scratch that, when I do this. I will need to be lean and strong. I can have no excuses to not have built up my body to be that of one that can take this on and be realistic about my chances. I am looking forward to my chances more and more. I am gaining support from a Lupus support group. It is easy to gain support, I know so far having Lupus I need to be able to put it away and keep it away for a period of time. I will trust that my Dr. staff can do this.

Food Log 8-26-11

Breakfast: 2 packets of Kashi Oatmeal
Snack: Green Apple and Almonds
Lunch: Bagel, yogurt, peach
Snack: Yogurt, Banana
Dinner: Beef Stroganoff (this will repeat enough was made for a long time lol)
 small portion

Green Apples

I love them sooooooooooooo much, but I think I can no longer have them. I believe I have just linked them to my Acid Reflux. :(

Granola Recipe

 Makes 18 half-cup servings.

 4 cups organic rolled oats
1 cup organic sunflower seeds
¾ cup organic chopped pecans  
¾ cup organic walnuts
 l½ cup organic all-purpose flour
 1 tsp salt
 1 tsp cinnamon  
½ cup peanut oil
⅓ cup brown sugar  
⅓ cup Ambrosch honey (a local product)
¼ cup maple syrup  
1 tsp vanilla extract
½ tsp almond extract  Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

 Mix all dry ingredients together in a large mixing bowl. Set aside.  In a medium saucepan, add all liquids except extracts, heat on medium until all sugars are dissolved and mixture begins to boil. Remove from heat and add extracts and pour over dry ingredients. Mix well and spread onto a large cookie sheet. Bake for approximately 25 minutes, mixing once during baking. 330 calories, 18g fat, 7g protein, 35g carbohydrate, 3g fiber, 170mg sodium.

Food Rule #4

Do not get your Fuel from the same place you get your cars fuel

Alive

Today i feel somewhat Alive!

Food Log 8-25-11

Breakfast: Breakfast Burrito (one egg, black beans, avocado, onion whole wheat tortilla) good power breakfast.
Snack: grapes and a piece of string cheese
Lunch: Big can of chunk Chicken and bowl of broccoli, cauliflower and green pepper
Snack: blueberries, yogurt, flaxseed  and a piece of string cheese ( so need to get to the coop so I can get some fresh peanut butter for this)
Dinner:

Food Rule #3

Avoid food Products Containing ingredients that no ordinary human would keep in the pantry.

Food log 8-24-11

Breakfast: cottage cheese and and avocado
Snack::Yogurt, banana
Lunch: Bagel w/honey, yogurt, peach (turns out I am not a fan of peaches)
Snack: green apple and almonds
Dinner: two pieces of frozen pizza LOL

Another day another Fever

Woke my wife up this morning with a fever, I snugged up close to her and made her sweat.. checked my temp and it was in the 100's my joints were on fire and the headache was in full force. But I decided to go to work today. I missed 2 1/2 days last week and I can not keep doing that and stay employed at the same time.

I am trying to keep my attention towards trail running and the things that surround it. I have been notifying my friends and possible crew and people that will accompany me on my journey. I have pulled out trail runner mag that i had the SHT trail book. etc... just get the positive vibes flowing as much as I can. ...

Food Log 8-23-11

Breakfast: two packages of Kashi go lean oatmeal
Snack: yogurt and banana
Lunch: Bagel w/ honey, Peach and Yogurt
Snack: green apple, Almonds
Dinner: Subway 6 inch black forest ham loaded with veggies!, Potato Chips (natural no sugar etc less than five ingredients)
 small square of banana bread cake for MTX night.

Food Rule #2

Don't eat anything your grandmother wouldn't recognize as food

277 Miles Long as far as I can tell

Big Plans a brewing in my Brain

I have big plans brewing for a run for raising money for Lupus, I plan on inviting friends and family to join along for the adventure and raising money, selling shirts. I am guessing if I can get healthy by Jan of 2012 and stay healthy through 2013 I would be looking at middle of Sept 2013 as my time frame and it would be 277 miles long and roughly 7-10 days...  but epic for me and for people with Lupus.

Michael Pollan Food Rule #1

Eat Food, Most Plants, Not too much.

Food Log 8-22-11

Breakfast: Cinnamon Raisin Bagel and a Banana
Snack: Yogurt, banana
Lunch: Bagel with Honey, Yogurt, Peach
Snack: Green apple, Almonds
Dinner:Chicken Kabobs and cut up veggie tray.

Diet vs. Lifestyle

Getting back to what made me slim and trim last year. Looking at food as food using Michael Polan as my Reference. So many truths in his books it is scary on how America has become and how easy it is for us to be that way. It is no wonder we live in a country of Diabetes and Heart Disease, obviously it played no role in my Lupus as I was diagnosed last year, but I bet the unhealthy eating I turned to did not help matters easily either. I will start to write down some of his "Food Rules" on my blog.

Daily food Log 8-21-11

Breakfast: 2 packages of Kashi go lean Oatmeal
Lunch: Grapes, Chicken, Yogurt
Snack: Green apple, Almonds
Dinner: kabobs and a Salad

Next Taper on Pred

Well today I tapered down to 17 1/2 this is the lowest I have ever made it, I will be here until Wednesday and then down to fifteen.. lets hope I can push!!!

Weekly Weigh in 8-21-11

Starting weight: 244lbs (8-1-11) BMI 31.3 Obese
Current Weight: 232 BMI 29.8 Overweight
Weight Loss -2lbs
Total Loss: -12 lbs
Goal Weight: not entirely sure but sub 215 for sure

Still need to incorporate more veggies as snacks and sides with dinner plus water otherwise happy with progress.

Headaches

I do not remember the last time I did not have a headache and one that did not cause nausea... :(

So bad they brought me to tears and I went home from work early today..

food blog 8-20-11

Breakfast: 1 piece of string cheese, 2 eggo blueberry waffles with honey / no butter
Snack: Almonds, Banana
Lunch: Bagel with honey, yogurt, yellow nectarine
Snack: yogurt, almonds
Dinner: Hamburger with a Talme bun!

A little bit of Sun

And the Flood gates of Shit flows in!!!

Do you ever have a feeling you are part of a bigger Picture

I have this strange sense that my life is playing out and I am starting to maybe see the plan. (or maybe it is just me being overly hopeful) LOL. I am hoping that god made me Obese at one point to teach me the painful leassons of loosing weight, exercise, the joy of running and most importantly the ability to deal with the struggles of Ultra running. Next he gave me Lupus and the strengths of Ultra running are coming in to play to help get me through this and the lessons learned in nutrition will get me through the prednisone gain. Once I get through this I believe my mission is to take any healthy time I can to raise money through my running for Lupus.


Maybe this is just a hopeful vision but it is one that I see.

Food Log 8-19-11

Breakfast: Apple, yogurt, string cheese
Snack: almonds
Lunch: Bagel, banana, yogurt
Snack: yellow nectarine, yogurt
Dinner: Kabobs, Salad

Finally some good news

I got a call from my Rheumatologist that my hip X-Ray was good, so I am assuming he means no signs of avascular Necrosis. He wants to schedule an appointment for Thursday to got through a set of movements in his office before we schedule an MRI to make sure we have the right area being looked at.

Food Log 8-18-11

Breakfast: two packages of maple oatmeal
Snack: green apple and a piece of string cheese
Lunch: bagel with honey and some green grapes
Snack:Almonds,yogurt with flxseed
Dinner:hamburger no bun, yogurt

i was going to have peanut butter on the bagel but my wife's peanut butter is sugar that has a peanut butter flavor, I need to get to the co-op and get fresh ground peanut butter again.

My god

Whomever stole all of my spoons, please bring them back. I am wiped

Good Chat

Had a good Chat with a past class mate yesterday on facebook. Her mother has RA and SLE. This class mate has RA and is starting to show some signs of SLE as well. To this point she has ignored the fact that she has RA and possibly could have SLE figuring if she pretended she did not have it she would not have it. I think she is blessed with a great Fiance that has encouraged her to seek the proper care and maybe just maybe get it under control before it really appears. I gave her some examples of why she must do that and her mom should be all the reasons why. Not to mention she is a female in her prime years of disease activity, family history, and is of island ethnicity so will be more prone to the SLE activity to begin with. I hope she does not have it but if she does I think she already has a great support staff in place and a fiance who is madly in love with her, which is all she needs to kick it.

8-17-11

Breakfast: two granola bars
Snack: Banana
Lunch: turkey wrap, Banana, yogurt
Snack: yogurt, banana
Dinner: Not sure? maybe Subs..

Been a day of

pain in joints, now back ringing in my ears, neuropathy, pretty soon i can tell tears... how sad these days can be sometimes...

I wish I could blink and make these medical bills go away and start this year over.

food diary 8-16-11

probably my worst day yet.. as far as I did not eat well.

Breakfast: blueberry pie and coolwhip
snack:I think I slept??
Lunch: a bowl of pork
Snack: string cheese
Dinner: no idea yet, most likely frozen pizza
Ice cream as a treat with my Chemo meds

woke up today

and it was easier just to stay laying down, the fire that was in my hip was still there, kind of like a hot sword shoved through it. as well rest of joints kicked in, fever today. headaches. am i repetitive if i say tremors?

sigh

sigh

Name a joint location that does not hurt today :(

hip, groin

I have a pain that comes and goes on the hip, the groin and sometimes the back of the hip... not always the same spot not always hurting.. but it is debilitating when it is. today is one of those day I can get in front of pain. I would call it a 9 1/2 tonight, I have taken enough pain killers today and tonight and i am just in pain, pain pain, the headache is screaming the shoulder, the knee... cane is in full effect!!!!

food Diary 8-15-11

Breakfast: string cheese, blueberry muffin
Snack: muffin
Lunch: Meatloaf
Snack: Granola bar
Dinner: pulled pork

Oh how I miss running through this stuff!

headaches and nausea

when did they become permanently linked and 7 days a week?

day 4065 (or so it seems like it)

That I dont feel well.

Waiting for a call back from Neurology now on yesterdays vision problems and to talk about my hands and why i can not lift them from time to time as well as why it closed on me?

I dont even know how to describe it...

not once but twice my wash machine flooded part of my finished lower level this weekend.. I cant handle any more am about to crack and I certainly can not afford this wash machine on thursday. this is shit!!! Fucking SHit!!!

Food Journal 8-14-11

Breakfast: blueberry pie and whipped topping
Snack: String Cheese
Lunch: Pork roast and a Granola bar
Snack: Banana and Almonds
Dinner: Meat Loaf (thanks Kris) and Potatoes with Cottage cheese instead of butter and salt

This Sucks

I hurt!

and it is getting harder and harder to operate like this day in and day out. Sighh


PM Report same as AM, Pain, Pain Pain, arthritic hands, knee and hip and I have most certainly taken pain pills, headache, sore all over really. Also had bad vision problems today for about 5 minutes. I saw bold letters on all of the long letters like l, t, k, etc. and the rest where kind of faded.... really??? wth???

daily motivation/ photos from Superior 100 Mile

weekly weigh in 8 -14-11

Starting weight: 244lbs (8-1-11)
Current Weight: 234
Weight Loss -1lbs
Total Loss: -10 lbs
Goal Weight: not entirely sure but sub 215 for sure


Really happy with a 1lb weight loss, that is a good healthy weight loss, I consider that to be fat not water. any where from 1-3 is a good reduction. any more is just not normal or right. here is to another  1 lb week or atleast not a 3 lb gain.. : )
.

back in that place

Where I dont want to be online again, my joints hurt everywhere, headaches, neck ache etc... just dont feel positive enough to be around people...

Why????

what did I do??

Wash Machine over flows on to our lower level carpet... like I need that.... ughhh.. so sad right now.. I am really reaching my limits in life of what I can shoulder.

Talked to my rheum today which was my Highlight he was helping pick out a new PCP on a Saturday, how many Dr's that is right, he has called me on the 4th of July and now on a Saturday.. does anybody have a better Dr. I think not! However when talking about some of my new symptoms, he really felt I need to be back in the hands of Neurology as they seemed outside the realm of Lupus and even Lupus CNS... Really... see above about shoulders only being so strong.  He also wants to get me into an Mri for my Hip to remove any doubts of other problems he wasmost concerned about avascular Necrosis since I have Lupus. but I think we are just making sure there is no ligament, bursitis or hip joint problems and if not then we have Lupus there as well........  I am in so much Pain right now, pain killers are not touching it, hands are burning... tremors. headache etc...

Bastard Child

That is what I am naming today's headache and nausea, and I am only 52 minutes into my work day. Oh happy day! freezing cold...

Food Log 8-13-11

Breakfast: Hardee's loaded omelet Biscuit (morning breakfast meeting)
Lunch: turkey roll up, yogurt, almonds, banana
Snack: yogurt, Banana
Dinner: pork, potatoes

Food Log 8-12-11

Breakfast: Blueberry Pie no whipped topping
Snack: Banana
Lunch: pizza and I will only have two slices if they are cut in pie and four if they are cut in squares.
Snack: string cheese:
Dinner: Meat Loaf, corn and more Pie with Whipped topping :)

building a little mental strength

Decided to wear my 100 Mile Finshers Jacket today, I have not worn that since maybe January , I have not felt worthy of wearing it for some reason but I am wearing it today and wearing it proudly, as I have earned.

fantastic day

Today my sister Kris drove up from Madison to hang out, catch up and just listen to some cool music. It really was a great day, on top of all of it she even made a fresh blueberry pie and dinner of meat loaf and all the proper sides. My family is really good to me, I have been blessed for sure!!!!


I cherish these days!!!!

food log 8-11-11

breakfast: cottage cheese and avocado
snack: granola bar
Lunch: jimmy Johns veggie sub chips

Dinner: meat loaf corn on the cob ( no butter or salt) homemade blueberry pie with some whipped topping

next taper level

well, this morning I tapered to 25MG, wish me luck, will be here until Sunday and then taper again on Monday.

fitness goal

walking by October, stretch goal to be walking by September. Running by November if none of this happens, I am ok with that as well. I just would like to think that I would be able to walk this year for a little fitness. I sure wish i enjoyed swimming..

First time in my life

I am not hungry....

Nice try Lupus but I am not going to allow you this.

Here are what my plans are

Chinese Proverb

The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

food log 8-10-11

Breakfast: 1 cup cottage cheese half of an Avocado
Snack: almonds, string cheese
Lunch: turkey roll up, banana, yogurt
Snack: almonds, banana
Dinner: chicken breast, cottage cheese, cherries

I am just so fed up with it all

My dr that I fired yesterday had his nurse call me today and said we did send a prescription over to your pharmacy today, (remember i said the word prescription). So I go to the pharmacy to pick up the Lunesta. I go to pick it up and the pharmacist says he prescribed you 10 pills and that comes to 50 dollars, 10  pills ? what type of prescription is that???? then he said yeah i am not sure why he did that because he could have ordered you a lot more and it would have still been 50 dollars. I told the pharmacist to put them back and I will just go home and over dose on over the counter meds...  FUCK YOU DR THAT I FIRED...

Time to repeat last nights routine to sleep.

I get a lot worse and more power meds than sleeping pills in far larger quantities tha 30 for only 10 dollars... sigghhhh.

TIme to step back

And refocus my life. I spend to much time on social media (laughing as I type this on a blog). I am going to take a week maybe two. and recollect my thoughts I have met a lot of great friends and have a lot of fun, have been given a ton of good advice and encouragement.... I can not even begin to name all the names... But Sarah ahs been like a private care provider to me, Keely, Vickie, Carrie, Jill Kennedy, Barbara always insightful, Robert Reinhart, etc.... trust me I could go 20-30 more names with out even thinking... but I need me time right now. I am starting to have Neuro issues, my brain is not right.it is not centered I should not be in coversatins that require emotional responces as i will probably not understand and either hurt them throu being blunt or miss understood...

I am scared right now

So many things going wrong neuro... Sigh...

Food Journal 8-9-11

Breakfast: granola
Snack: Yellow Nectarine
Lunch: turkey wrap, yogurt, grapes
Snack, Banana, Almonds
Dinner: 6 in Sub from Subway healthy menu no dressing.
 and since it is Methotrexate night I will get some Ben Jerry's Super chunk fudge Ice cream

sleep

what it took for me to sleep.

I was also in a lot of joint pain do I took 2 Vicodin,, 1 2mg lorazopram, 2 benedryl, 1 flexeril and I took two good hits of marijuana. a bit overly medicated. but if my Former Dr. was not willing to help me well. then I needed to do it my self for a few nights. I need sleep.

Probably the most effective part of this whole grouping is the 2Mg of Lorazopram.

FIRED

Today I chose to fire my Primary care Dr. I called in a desperate need of assistance with sleep. as the 7 readers of my blog know, I do not sleep well and have tried every avenue, so with a plead today I received no response, fired. So now the journey begins to find a new primary care physician and start a relationship as well as a sprts medicine dr. as well since my other dr was also my sports medicine dr. I went on online and looked at the dr.'s obviously you can not choose that way and since I completely trust my Rheum I am going to allow him to help me choose my next primary. sounds reasonable ???


But for tonight I need to figure out how to sleep, I am in desperation of it. I am so pissed that He did not call me back!!

Sleep

I called my Primary care Dr. today and requested prescription sleep medication. I explained to the nurse that I have tried Ambien, it did not work, I try Benedryl very little effectiveness, i have tried flexeril, I am not napping, I am not consuming caffeine at night or processed sugars, I am not doing things that elevate my heart rate etc.. but yet I can not not sleep 2 o'clock rolls around I am still awake. I need more sleep than this. If my Dr. does not prescribe me something today I will fire him and find another one, not all that impressed with him anyways. Plus I will cancel my appointment with him next Thursday in sports medicine.

Easier, more pleasant I dont know???

I just received a note from a casual friend from high school saying looked like I was doing good and how was I, I know that she was sincere as she was always a very sincere and honest person that is what made her who she was. but she had asked me on face book very casually and I figured if she had not seen all of my posts about my struggles with Lupus well then I did not want to be negative. SO I replied back just asking how her father was doing and said she looked like she was doing well. I did not bring up Lupus, as i did not want to be Negative and be a buzz kill, I feel like I am a buzz kill.

Food log 8-8-11

Breakfast: 2 eggs and one piece of string cheese
Snack: small handful almonds and Banana
Turkey and cheese wrap, yogurt, grapes
Snack, banana, almonds
Dinner:Two slices of Home run Pizza and some vegetables

another night of no sleep

2:30 came and went last night and I was still awake. I need to get to the bottom of this. However I did read some good info and might cancel my appointment with my PCP for next thursday, I think I can work through this pain in my hip maybe not by next thursday but if I stick to it I can by the end of the month I bet. If I want this bad enough I should be able to do this, if it does not cure by me than I chalk it up to Lupus, I see no reason to see my PCP for my hip pain anymore unless it starts to resonate further and more consistent in the groin as well. I am going to seek out and destroy the non Lupus things, and let my Rheum and Neuro handle the rest they are both more than competent, i need to get a note book again to write down that way I can write it down, any possible triggers and move on..

another day of sun and heat...

another day of hell in tremorville and feverland..... :(

food log 8-7-11

breakfast: yogurt, string cheese and granola
Lunch: ham and cheese wrap, string cheese, almonds (handful)
Snack: Yogurt and a yellow nectarine
Dinner: will be meatloaf and left over potatoes again

I know that I am a bit repetitive right now, but right now I need easy and consistent. Plus I need the yogurt for my stomach; it needs as much help as it can get.

So here goes nothing or everything...

I start tapering Prednisone again today, 27 1/2 today and the following three days same time I am tapering off Methotrexate. My Rheumatologist is trying to get me down to just cellcept, I certainly hope he can but I have my doubts on both meds be eliminated completely. If I were a betting man, I will get down to about 15mg of pred and start having problems (really right around 20mg) but I am going to really tough it out. and I also bet I will be back up to 25 mg of MTX in another month or two as well as the 2000 mg of cellcept. Just my predictions.

Weekly weigh in 8-7-11

Starting weight: 244lbs (8-1-11)
Current Weight: 235
Weight Loss 9 lbs
Goal Weight: not entirely sure but sub 215 for sure

Things I need to improve on! More WATER I need to get close to 64 ounces a day and more veggies!


obviously there was a lot of bloat and poison in me that left the fist week, i fully expect 1-2 lbs a week and it to be very difficult from here on out actually as i am about to try and taper off some drugs and my body is going to get stressed. I am willing to bet it will be almost impossible some weeks if not weeks in a row. but as long as i can at least maintain the same on those i will be happy.

But here is to the poison and bloat out of my system.!!!! YAY!!!!

I used to love sun

Man, I just do not understand it. Sun has turned into such a cruel beast. I spent maybe 15 minutes (with 100spf) and a hat out side this morning walking around. I have had increased neuro issues this morning ever since. I hope nice we get Lupus put away that this goes away as well. This is nasty and as I type this my foot is going numb... oh well, staying positive. I will contribute that too two different items... (for now, it change and my theory could be wrong) the addition of Welbutrin to my anti depressants and changing my diet back to better healthy diet. I am starting to feel better about myself even though I am having issues. Let's hope this can continue forward!!!

My wife is deserving of a husband that is happy or at least not constantly angry at life.

food log 8-6-11

breakfast: yogurt, banana and piece of sting cheese
snack: nectarine
lunch: ham and cheese roll up, yogurt, banana (trying to repair this stomach)
snack: yogurt string cheese
Dinner: will be out but I will order a light salad or fish and even bring home half.

Food Log 8-5-11

Breakfast: banana, yogurt, string cheese, and a few almonds
lunch: 1 ham and cheese wrap, grapes, and a yogurt
Snack: yogurt and a Nectarine.
Dinner: Meatloaf and potato.

5 minutes of feel good

Well, not physically but mentally right now I am strong, that could change at any moment but I have a renewed since of fight in me. I have even mentally put Arrowhead 135 back on my list, it actually is a possibility as far as lupus goes, Other than the fatigue factor. If I am not flaring I will be bundled up for the most part so i will not have the sun glaring on me pushing my immune system, I would definitely have to take care of myself on this. I think the training would lend it self as well, I would not have to peak until winter so I could keep my running a bit more light in the summer o early morning and start picking it up in the fall as the sun starts dropping earlier. Let's hope this 5 minutes last ten minutes at least.

What does it take to have a normal night

Have some numbness in legs again last night. vision problems and could not get to sleep because the ringing in my ears was too loud for too long... sigh. : (

Rant on drug studies...

Bogus study

The above study is one of the studies that i am going to point out in this post that is one of the many reasons we are screwed up in health care. We are trying to fix people that really are not needing the treatment all so companies can increase some market share get more money for investors... blah blah blah blah...

The exlusions listed to the study are basically what makes you and active lupus patient... so basically they are looking for patients that have a positive ANA and a sore finger... pretty much does not have lupus.


Ok next one The BIG HYPE Benlysta ...OMG THERE IS A CURE>>>>> LOL<<<<< not.. Calm down people once again they did not even test people that were most sick with the disease, it did not get rid of it on the few it worked on, It DID NOT work on African Americans and they typically have the worst disease activity.. in white people it worked in 1 out of 11 patients with mild lupus and costs over 30,000 a year... yay big pharm you won again..

the fake savior

Food Journal 8-4-11

Breakfast: Sausage egg biscuit
Lunch: two Ham and Cheese wraps
Snack: Yogurt and handful of bing cherries
Dinner:  Meatloaf and potatoes ( I was really good on portion size, only one slice of meatloaf Pro3 ounces, and 3/4 cup maybe of mashed potatoes not even a tablespoon of butter) had some watermelon as well.

compliments of pain

thanks to a sore stomach and esophagus almost feels raw or burnt from medication, I choose not to take any pain pills today and ride it out in pain... .. if it is not one thing it is the other... plus side...


6 minutes and I am off!!!
bring on Thursday!

The great thing about Methotrexate on Tuesday

Is the Headache that slowly builds on Wednesday and progresses into Thursday... nausea is always fun as well.

Because having Lupus does not suck enough.

Food journal 8-3-11

Breakfast: Big can of chicken and two slices of cheese
Snack: yogurt, even though I took cellcept, my stomach needs this
Lunch: turkey cheddar wrap, yogurt, banana
Snack: string cheese, apple
Dinner: 2 burgers without buns (only because we did not have them) maybe some watermelon closer to bed time

Pill count....

OY!!!

Some things are probably best not counted... I just counted my weekly pills taken (not counting sleep aid or pain pills) I believe I am at 180 pills right now... and yet, I am in pain... I can only laugh and then sigh.

so many joints

so many pains... today will be a day where it hurts to push on the gas pedal for sure.

thinking of the kenny wayne sheppard song living life by the drop... change it to drug.

trying to pin the tail on the donkey

a lot of pain again recently more than usual or atleast more extreme than usual. my right hip seems to burn from both out side and in the groin, but not all the time and not both places at the same time either. also knee so bad that i just would rather have them remove my leg at the hip and be an amputee, i really think it would be of less pain in the long run at this point. I am getting really bad tendonitis in the IT band and I am not doing shit to cause it!!!  My ankles and and knee some times hurt so bad that it hurts to push on the gas pedal. So what is the change????? I do not know for a fact. I do know that I have begun tapering my Methotrexate down last week and again this evening, so maybe that is the thing.... dont know!?

I hope to find my trigger or at least have it magically disappear, I am taking to many pain pills just to survive and still be in pain. :(

Food Journal 8-2-11

Breakfast: 2 eggs s lices of cheese
Snack: (cellcept gets in the way of this)
Lunch: tukey cheddar wrap, banana, yogurt
Snack: apple, string cheese
Dinner:6 inch sub from subway and a small amount of ice cream as a treat for chemo pills


I need to do better on WATER... not crystal light but water!!!

victories and defeats

Well, it is early in the week and a lot can happen between now and Sunday, but I did have a considerable amount of weightloss (purely excess water weight) but atleast I am not carrying that around. That can change everyday though so I am not overly excited other than I have defeated the strong powers of Prednisone for atleast 2 days.LOL

Defeat: I am so sore I can barely stand.... I am going to have to load up so heavy today on meds that I wont know my name...:(

I am hoping for some relief this Thursday from acupunture!

Food Journal 8-1-11

Wow, how did it get to be August already. :(

Breakfast: Bagel
no morning snack
Lunch: can of chicken, 1 piece string cheese, and a yogurt
Snack: Apple
Dinner: Hamburger and Fruit

dear self

stay strong today,

Yesterday turned into a day of a lot of pain. pain killers and even got a little herbal buzz last night... nothing tackled it. this morning, i start off in the place i ended the day, just with less sleep.

I have two options today, be in a lot of pain, or take enough painkillers that my brain is numb and i am non functional, either way really i will not be very useful.

July 31 food Journal

Granola for breakfast
Can of Chicken for lunch
(I had a snack healthy one just can not remember)
missed afternoon snack
Dinner I had one burger with bun and a lot of cantelope
Resisted snacking (was helped by the no food for two hours after cellcept rule)

Probably a little light on calories but all in all not bad.

late nights

reminds of the song Diamonds by Rob Thomas, how are you supposed to heal if you can not even sleep?